“Because . .”.
It’s a word I’ve been thinking about a lot these last few days.
It’s a word I’ve been wanting to say, wanting to ask, wanting to KNOW.
And when I ask what makes you feel the way you do, I don’t want your two-liner on social media.
I don’t even really want your paragraph.
I want the intimacy of coffee or cake or whatever makes you feel comfortable, and I want to look you in the eye and ask about your “becauses” again and again and again until your bold opinions become your story, a tear-streaked conversation of the things that have happened to you . . . to the people you love . . . that move your heart and shape your ideology.
I want to listen to you without forming a rebuttal.
I want to hear your life and drink in the details and ask more questions when I can’t or don’t or almost won’t understand.
And then I want to walk away and let the things that make up your truth simmer when I take a shower or drive to work or cook supper. I want to consider the circumstances that have made your life YOURS.
And I want to do all of this without uttering a single word . . . or thought . . . in defense of my differences.
Because you deserve to be known.
Your story deserves to be known.
Your story deserves to matter.
And when I’ve listened and thought on your story, I want you to ask me about mine. I want you to ask and ask and ask and not let me slip out of my own narrative with intellectual defenses. I want you to force me to be honest and open and blunt. And I want you not to judge my story either. I want you to consider my details while you go about your day. I want you to hear me without forming a rebuttal.
Because I deserve to be known.
My story deserves to be known.
My story deserves to matter.
And when you know me and I know you and we have SEEN deeply into each other’s lives, I want you to hug me or give me a call or check on me when you know circumstances might leave me vulnerable, and I want to do the same to you. And when I leak my details publicly in the form of a strong opinion or a visceral reaction, I want to have the comfort of knowing I am known in both my strengths and my weaknesses.
I am heard.
I am understood.
And I also want this for you.
I want this for all.
Because when we leave our echo chambers and the isolation of sameness and we drink in each other’s stories, we tend to drop distance-words and name-calling. We begin to see people as richly detailed humanity and not things to be feared or contained or controlled. We don’t always change our viewpoints but we shift from contempt to love and that begins to make a difference.
To make all the difference.
A desperately needed difference.
Because . . .
Janet hellrung says
Beautifully said Melissa. People move, have babies, change jobs and get stuck the muck and more of life and it deters from having good, thick conversations that are really nourishing. So glad you developed this blog!!#lovediggingdeep
Melissa Lu says
Thanks for reading Janet! You are right . . . we get too busy to have real conversations and then try to sub social media in. End result, we all feel so lonely! Truly wish we lived closer to you guys!