To my dear sons,
I am writing you a letter before you are bullied for the first time over your food allergies because I want you to know that you were formed perfectly, and God makes no mistakes.
I want so BADLY to cure your food allergies. I want you to know the freedom of a life without life-threatening substances hiding in regular food and on doorknobs and on playground equipment. I want you to know the ease of going to school and church and Boy Scouts and birthday parties without asking for special concessions. I have cried so many tears alone in my car because I have mourned for the life that I want for you. A life with no food allergies. A life with more freedom. A life that requires less from all your social circles.
And I’ve come to realize that I don’t get to choose that. I get to choose so many things for you right now, but I don’t get to choose that.
That’s hard for a mommy, you know, because I would choose the best that I know how. I would withhold from you no good thing. And I think I know what is best.
But over and over again your Father, your Heavenly Father, tries to tell me that I have to surrender you to him. And I do not want to do that. I am so afraid that he will want less for you than I do. That he will use you and make you dispensable.
You need to know that I wrestle with these thoughts, but you also need to know the truth. The truth is that He loves you so much more than I do. The truth is that He knows so much more than I do. The truth is that whether you are cured of your food allergies or you live your whole lives with them or a food causes the end of your lives – it will all be in His will and His timing and for His perfect purposes. Perfect. Because He loves you, not in spite of His love.
And God? He makes no mistakes. None. Not even your food allergies. This is something that is too big for me to understand but too important for me to miss. Even the things that sometimes appear broken are perfect when placed in perfect hands.
He makes no accidents.
He makes all things good.
He loves you most.
He knows more than me.
You know Abraham from the Bible? Do you know what God asked him to do? To sacrifice his only son, his precious Isaac. To trust him into God’s care. And Abraham was prepared to do it. He marched up the mountain with his son and knife in tow, uttering only “God will provide” when Isaac asked the whereabouts of the sacrificial lamb.
For years I thought this was a needlessly cruel test on the part of God, but now I see it differently. Do you know what Abraham knew? He knew God. He knew that God keeps His promises and loves His children. And he knew enough to trust God with what was most precious to him, even unto death. And because he knew these things, he and his Isaac and now all the nations on earth have been blessed.
I want you to know what Abraham knew. But for you to know this, you need to see me trust God with you. You need to see me offer you up to him, the good shepherd. You need to see me be brave.
So I am going to try, my little guys. I am going to try day in and day out to trust God with what scares me most so that we might know Him a little better, follow Him a little closer, live lives that fill us up instead of leaving us empty.
Because at the end of the day, that’s what I want for you. A life so full that it spills over, a life unafraid of living and giving.
The kind of life with the most freedom of all.
Love,
Mama
Thisgratefulmama says
This. It could not be a better written statement of faith and surrender for an allergy parent. I am with you in each of these words as I try to teach my son he is the beloved of God who is perfect and good in ALL things. Thank you for sharing and encouraging me today.
Melissa Lu says
It is so hard sometimes, isn’t it? That ALL things bit gets challenging and I just have to pray for eyes to see what is not always obvious. Blessings to you and your son!
Amber Durrence Wasson says
Amen. Thank you for your faithful example! I love your line “you need to see me trust God with you”. What a perfect way to witness not only to your children but also to those around you! We battle the food allergies at our house too, but our difference is having one child who can’t have them when the other one two and his friends can. He was also retested this summer with some getting worse and some getting better, but the fear still remains. Your letter was an affirmation to me as I made the same realization this week, during a Bible Study lesson, that I have to relinquish full control of my children’s safety to God. Thank you again for sharing!
Melissa Lu says
I’m so sorry you have to deal with food allergies too, Amber! Some of ours are more alarming than others – at least we think that is the case. I think it would be hard to have one “odd man out.” For us it’s easy – we just keep our house free of all the things and at least they have each other for support. I have been trying to turn my babies over to God since they were basically born and doing quite a poor job of it. It’s probably no real coincidence that I would have something like this that I can’t control . . . it has made my whole life look different, but different isn’t always bad. Will pray for your guy!