Most of us have taken hard paths that we later regret . . .mainly because they were so hard! It’s easy to look back and imagine an alternative that would have been obstacle-free, but that is neither realistic nor helpful. As Gandalf observed in J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit:
“There are no safe paths in this part of the world. Remember you are over the Edge of the Wild now, and in for all sorts of fun wherever you go.”
If you find yourself in a rut regretting the paths you have chosen, here is a quick exercise to help you reset your thinking:
- List out five amazing/fun/defining experiences you’ve had that are unique to you.
- Circle one of those experiences.
- Think about the choices you made and the paths that you took (we’ll call these the “becauses”) that enabled you to participate in that amazing/fun/defining experience you circled.
- Keep going with the “becauses” until you run into a choice you made or path you took that you have regretted.
- Highlight that choice/path.
- Take a moment to experience gratitude for the hard path you took that ultimately led to something amazing (the circled experience).
- Repeat the exercise as needed.
Here’s a brief example for you:
My Amazing Experience:
One of the most amazing experiences of my life was rescuing my senior dog, Eppie, from Atlanta Pet Rescue in June 2006. She was quiet and shy, and she wasn’t at all what I would have described as my “ideal dog” at that stage of life. However, when I first saw her, she was sitting on my husband-to-be’s lap like she needed a quiet corner of the world. That day, I knew I could be the quiet corner that belonged to her. I will always treasure the memory of her adoption day, which has led to 14 + years of devoted friendship.
My Becauses:
- I went to Atlanta Pet Rescue that day with my out-of-town fiancé because I was stressed and lonely.
- I was stressed because I was studying for the bar exam to become an attorney.
- I was lonely because I had moved away from most of my law school friends and was living by myself in a new city (Atlanta).
Experiencing Gratitude:
At various points, I have regretted becoming an attorney and moving to Atlanta right out of law school. However, if I had not been studying to be an attorney in Atlanta in 2006, I never would have wandered into Atlanta Pet Rescue. I would have missed the opportunity to see a scared little pup desperate for a home, and I would have missed out on 14 years of amazing, irreplaceable friendship. Today, I am grateful for moving to Atlanta and becoming an attorney because they led to many good things, including Eppie.
Hopefully this exercise is helpful to you! If you are a Christian, then you already know that God has good plans for your life (Jer. 29:11). . . but sometimes, it still helps to stop, get perspective, and experience thankfulness for the goodness you have experienced.
If you do this exercise and feel like sharing, I would love to hear about how your (at times regretted) path led you to your amazing experiences/defining moments. Please take a moment and share in the comments.
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