If you go clothing shopping in a mainstream American mall, chances are good that you will run into two types of specialty stores:
- Those that challenge you to suck it in, look like a model, and be the prettiest/sexiest/trendiest girl in the room;
-Or-
- Those that understand you can’t be the model but offer you quiet ways to dress your body and offer to help you be the best version of external you that you can be.
I have to admit: for a long time, I was openly disdainful of the second kind of shop. In my head, I labeled them “mom” and “grandma” stores, and when my own mom and grandma suggested I look through their catalogues, I secretly turned up my nose.
The funny thing is . . . after I became a mom myself, I had no intention of actually shopping in the “mom” stores. I thought as soon as lost my (substantial) baby weight, I’d be going back to my old stomping grounds. And I tried! After losing 50 plus pounds I marched into a familiar dressing room with a load of clothes, only to discover that they were not meant for me anymore. I can remember sitting on the bench, too tired to cry, wondering what the future held for me if I had matured past the competition to be the “it” girl.
This is an embarrassing story and I wish I could say that my vanity stopped here. But of course, it did not. The truth is, I’ve spent the better part of the last six years trying to wish my way back into my girlhood clothes. “When I just get done with this baby phase . . . “, I’ve said more than once. But, now that I have had three of those babies, I’ve had to accept that I’m never going back. I could lose weight – sure – but I can’t lose all the ways that these babies have marked me and molded me. I’m not sure I really even want to.
You see, I am not headed back to my teens or twenties – ever – and I need to be okay with that. I look around my church and my community and see tons of girls in their teens and twenties, and I do not need to be competing with them. I don’t need to be chasing my way back to where they are.
No, the fact is that these girls need me to be bravely pushing forward with everything I’ve got. They need me to be soaking in everything that I can at the feet of those older and wiser than me about what it means to be a woman of strength; a woman of valor; a woman of integrity. In a culture that treats girlhood like the ultimate destination, they need to see me pursue womanhood like it is something noble, something good, and something valuable to obtain.
And it’s not just these girls that need me to move past the race to my past, it’s the world at large. Look around. In a society of broken families, hungry children, and growing distrust, the last thing our culture needs is for me or you or any other woman to pursue eternal girlhood. No, what our culture needs are grown women ready to be about something bigger than whatever image of perfection is stamped on a dressing room wall.
The other day, I fumbled my way into one of those “mom” stores . . . a place where I thankfully had a gift card courtesy of my own gracious mom. I was hunting a swimsuit top: one that I could wear to chase my oldest boys, cover my still swollen postpartum belly, and feed my new baby. I perused the rack but came up short. I was about to leave, dejected, when one of the sales clerks came over and brought me a top from the back of the store. It wasn’t something that I would have considered six years ago, but I tried it on and it instantly checked all the boxes. I even felt a little cute.
As I checked out, I thanked the woman for her help. She kindly looked from me to my baby and said, “I’ve had six. I know, honey. Happy to help.”
And then she gave me a coupon.
As I wheeled my stroller out of the store I couldn’t stop myself from smiling . . . because women helping women, now that’s what it’s all about.
Rhonda S Hayes says
Love this….really resonates.
Katie Peeples says
Love this! Exactly where I am right now too!
Phyllis Stephens says
I love your stories Melissa. Thanks for sharing them with us!
Donna. Natalie's Mother says
This is absolutely beautiful! Well written. It actually put a tear in my eye.
Charity says
You always have such a beautiful way with words Melissa! Love this!!