In the last few days, stories about 18-year-old Maddi Runkles, a high school senior banned from participating in her Christian high school’s graduation ceremony because of her pregnancy, have flown across social media sites. Heritage Academy has prohibited Maddi, who has a 4.0 GPA and was president of the student body, from walking across the stage with her 14 classmates because she violated her school’s code of conduct by engaging in premarital sex. This, of course, was not the extent of Maddi’s consequences from the school: she was also suspended for a period of time, quit her leadership roles in the school, and confessed before the student body that she broke the code of conduct and asked for their forgiveness.[1]
Maddi has not taken issue with the previous consequences levied by the school. She has acknowledged that she broke the code of conduct and deserved consequences. But she has taken issue with not being allowed to participate in graduation, a consequence that she says has not been issued to other students who have also broken the code of conduct. She argues that the school is punishing her because her sins are visible, not because she broke the rules.
The school disagrees, saying that they applaud her decision not to abort her son. According to her school headmaster, she is not being punished for being pregnant, she is being punished for being immoral. In a letter that cites multiple Bible verses, the headmaster goes on to say that “[t]he best way to love [Maddi] right now is to hold her accountable for her immorality that began this situation.”
Church, are you paying attention?
In a culture where young people RAISED IN CHURCH are running from church at an alarming rate, are you paying attention?[2]
In a time when Millennials can acknowledge spirituality and God with certainty but are hesitant to engage with the body of Christ on earth, are you paying attention?
Are you really paying attention?
In most advanced dialogues about controversial issues involving the Christian faith, there is an acknowledged tension between love and truth; between acceptance and discipline. In this instance the headmaster claims to navigate this tension, stating:
“A wise man told me that discipline is not the absence of love, but the application of love. We love Maddi Runkles. The best way to love her right now is to hold her accountable for her immorality that began this situation.”
Okay.
Do you believe the school’s decision is loving?
Really?
In this particular scenario, Maddi violated the school’s code of conduct by engaging in premarital sex. She acknowledges this and has not sought to “hide the evidence” by aborting her baby or running from other consequences. And as every woman who has ever borne and raised a child surely knows, Maddi will be accountable for her decision every day for the rest of her life. When her classmates go on summer senior trips, she will grow stretch marks. When everyone else goes to college, she will assemble a crib. When classmates reunite over Christmas break, she will likely nurse a baby. She will learn in ways a school could never instill what Christ meant when he said, “This is my body, broken for you.”
She is being held accountable.
She is taking responsibility.
But, thanks to this school’s decision not to allow her to walk at graduation, she will also know shaming. Not the kind of productive shame that comes from a contrite heart when confronted with the grace and forgiveness of the Almighty, but the type of death-breathing shame that comes from the church when it begins to perform for the world instead of Christ.
Church, are you paying attention?
Do you hear how Christ’s name is being used?
The Bible was full of immoral women: the woman at the well who co-habitated with many different men (John 4:1-42), the sinful woman with the alabaster vial of perfume who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair (Luke 7:37-50), the woman caught in adultery brought before Jesus (John 8:1-11) . . . just to name a few.
While Jesus met each of these women where they were and acknowledged their sins, he also did something altogether radical: he bestowed dignity, forgiveness, love. He praised the woman with the alabaster vial of perfume for her faith and love; he honored the woman at the well with conversation and revealed his identity as the Messiah to her; he saved the adulteress from stoning and urged her to sin no more.
And while we don’t know the entirety of these women’s stories, we know that the dignity Jesus conferred was life-altering and life-giving. The woman at the well ran and testified to her village, and many became believers because of her. The “immoral” woman who washed his feet with her hair was saved by her faith. The adulteress was saved from physical death and no doubt led a radically different life.
But Maddi Runkles? Under the banner of “love,” she is told she is not worthy to participate in the school’s public ceremony because of her immorality, and she understandably becomes angry. She “tells the village” in a whole different way, causing many to question who exactly Christ is if this school represents his name. She is privately cut from the flock of her private Christian high school and ushered out the back door into the world, which will be all to eager to feast on her wounds and introduce doubt to her faith.
Does this sound like Jesus?
Does this sound like love?
Does this sound life promoting?
I am all for accountability. I am all for truth. I am all for discipline. But when God has already allowed life-altering consequence, should the school pile on? Should the school get between the hammer and the work?
I don’t think so.
And I hope the church-at-large doesn’t either.
Maddi Runkles has chosen life; her school would do well to do the same.
SOURCES
[1] http://www.newsbusters.org/blogs/culture/katie-yoder/2017/05/26/nbc-fox-shed-light-viral-story-brave-pregnant-teen-maddi
[2] “In total, nearly one-in-five adults under age 30 (18%) say they were raised in a religion but are now unaffiliated with any particular faith.” http://www.pewforum.org/2010/02/17/religion-among-the-millennials/
Amanda Gainey says
I, having been a pregnant teen who was also unwed and further found out I was expecting while attending the Free Will Baptist Bible College have much to say on this issue. However, for times sake I will keep it as brief as possible. Everyone sins and falls short of the glory of God. We are not called to perfection and perfection is never expected of us by God. Outward sin that is visible, such as pregnancy is clearly no different than those other students who may have engaged in premarital sex and didn’t “get caught”. If one is going to punish one child by not allowing them to walk across the stage at graduation then I suppose that Headmaster should be stating anyone who has been guilty of immoral behavior in any form will not be able to walk at graduation. In this case, were everyone truly honest there would most likely be none walking at graduation. Further, I know first hand that a Christian pregnant teen has enough thoughts of not just disappointing others but thoughts that they have disappointed themselves along with all the thoughts of how their entire life has changed because in just a short time they will be responsible not just for themselves for the first time, but for the life of another little person. What gets a young girl prepared to handle all these things? Love, grace, mercy, forgiveness and again LOVE! When I found out I was expecting Madison the Dean of Women at my Christian College wrapped her arms around me and said, “Honey, don’t you cry. We love you and more importantly God loves you and when you asked for forgiveness you didn’t even know you were pregnant, but God already knew and He has already forgiven you!” God alone and the support of a loving, Christian family is why I am the mother I am today. I spent years of my Christian life feeling like I had to keep all the rules and missing out on the relationship Jesus actually wanted to have with me. That baby, my child, Madison Elizabeth made me a Mom and also gave me a real life wake up call as to how our Father loves us…The same way we love our children. Sin brings it’s own consequence no one needs further judgement, shaming or condemnation from others. It is my prayer that the Church will absolutely wake up and realize we are the body of Christ! We should strive everyday to have the mind of Christ, to be His hands and His feet to love and serve others. To love them right where they are, just as they are because when people experience that kind of love, when they see Jesus in us, maybe they will want to know Him more, and with hunger and desire to do that, He will do the rest! I pray this child can walk at graduation, however, more than that I pray she knows there is no condemnation for those in Christ and I pray she simply continues to walk with and walk for Jesus!
Melissa Lu says
As usual, you said things about 100 times better than I could, Amanda! My heart breaks for those who have left the church because of legalism and rules. To often, Christians abuse the things of God to satisfy our needs and self-righteousness. I too had to learn about God’s love and grace after high school – and it took almost walking away from it for me to understand it. Love you, my friend, and proud of all that you have done!